This fall has been a time of big changes for me. The Kiddo started at the local university and suddenly I find my nest is empty. I wish I could say it has been a smooth transition, but as a single parent it has not. For 20 years it has been just me and the Kiddo. We had a lot of time and freedom over the years, because I homeschooled and worked part time when the Kiddo was young.
Now there are days when we pass each other at breakfast and that is the extent of our day together. Life used to dance to the rhythm of Our schedule...not anymore.
As parents we know that this day is on the horizon. Glibly saying " oh they grow up so fast" we actually pass through our middle years changing little, while they evolve on a daily basis. The child that my Kiddo was is only a memory.
Grateful and proud of the adult Kiddo has become, it still it feels as if I have lost a part of me: my identity, my life work, my amigo. I am left with an emptiness, not really knowing how to fill the gap. This is a time of opportunity for me, a time to rediscover all the things I've put on hold, but is that really me? I'm not sure anymore.
Still, as I take baby steps into this new expression of my life, I have realized that some things have not changed. The actions I take may not be the same as they were in the diaper days or even the teen years, but I am still there nurturing the garden that I planted so many years ago.
I will always be a Mom, however that looks. I will always love my Kiddo. That said...
Maybe it's time to sit back and smell the roses.
photo by Laitche